Selflessness is a concern with the needs and wishes of others rather than with one’s own. This becomes problematic when we lose sight of the balance. There is a time and place to exercise selflessness and extend our concerns beyond the self. But how do you know if you are overdoing selflessness? This comes down to personal awareness and enforcing a boundary with yourself. Boundaries seem like a negative thing however they actually improve our relationships, build self esteem, and conserve our emotional energy. 

We are socially conditioned to value qualities like selflessness in ourselves and seek it out in partnerships. However this type of selflessness can lead to neglecting our own needs. If this neglect continues long enough, it can impact how we show up day to day for ourselves and others. 

Another term related to selflessness is- altruism. This definition embodies the spirit of selflessness from the place of personal fulfillment. From an altruistic perspective, selfless acts do not feel like an obligation, rather they are an outpouring of service, because your needs are met. Ultimately, this is the happy medium and if we aim to be as good at self nurturing as we are nurturers, we can achieve this medium. 

Signs you are overdoing selflessness

1. Feeling spread thin

2. Always saying “yes” 

3. Over scheduled

4. Job burnout 

5. Extreme mood swings

6. Escapism behaviours 

How you can counter overdoing 

1. Scheduled personal time

2. Say “no” to things that don’t resonate with you 

3. Reducing daily commitments 

4. Incorporate rest and restorative activities 

5. Teaching others how they can support you 

6. Evaluation of personal values and priorities